Itohan Idumwonyi was in her first year as a professor of religious studies at Gonzaga University when COVID stopped everything. While 2020 was hard on everybody, it presented particular difficulties for Idumwonyi and her two children, Ik and Duwa. Since they were new to the area, no one, she thought, would come knocking on their door to see if her family was okay. Until someone did.

One of her children’s math teachers from Gonzaga Prep, John Tombari, knocked, introducing himself. “I’m here to welcome you and support your son,” he said, and he meant it. Though he lived across town, he picked up her son every morning to bring him to school, since driving her son to and from school conflicted with Idumwonyi’s teaching.

This teacher–who Idumwonyi calls “the face of humanity”–gave her inspiration during a time when it was sorely needed. In a city far from her birthplace, she found a warmth of human feeling that felt very familiar to her. Mr. Tombari had extended a generosity that made her feel human. Though he would not use the word, he practiced what Idumwonyi calls Ubuntu.

Being the recipient of Ubuntu from someone who did not know this African practice motivated Idumwonyi. She already brings this practice into her teaching, but the math teacher’s open-heartedness helped her see that outside of the university, people yearn to find a way through an epidemic of loneliness. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warns that social isolation has the same impacts on health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. But addressing this illness does not require complicated medical intervention; the remedy is to build relationships. Ubuntu offers a way. Ubuntu is a rich tradition built on the idea that we are human first before all the other labels–profession, race, gender, citizenship–that we may bear day to day. One act of kindness can change the outlook of another person by serving as a living reminder of this basic fact.

Ubuntu, as Idumwonyi explains it, is more than just one person treating another kindly. It is a “cultural intelligence” that creates a system of care that encourages individuals to not act as isolated units, but as the interconnected people we are. “A little show of kindness can make a turnaround for a person to feel loved, to feel human, to feel accepted, to feel embraced, even though a person is going through the storm of life,” Idumwonyi explains. “So when you come within the space of Ubuntu, I tell people you don’t need to connect with everybody in this space. Start with the person next to you. Whatever story you hear from that person may open you up to forming connections beyond that space.” Such listening and exchange of stories builds human flourishing. Recognizing, creating, and nourishing Ubuntu is what has helped Idumwonyi create her own happiness wherever she goes, in whatever situation. “You need other people to make this happiness,” says Idumwonyi, to start your story afresh when life brings you unanticipated twists. In a space of Ubuntu, where “I am because we are,” she feels her authentic self. As part of Humanities Washington’s Speakers Bureau, she has delighted in building Ubuntu by modeling how human flourishing starts–with the simple act of sharing stories that guide us in knowing how to look out for one another as a remedy to loneliness and alienation.

The following interview was edited for length and clarity.

Humanities Washington: How does the concept of Ubuntu help us see our connections to others differently?

Itohan Idumwonyi: You cannot say you are who you are, without looking back at those who have been in your life: your parents, your family, your neighbors. Ubuntu asks you to think of all the little and huge ways all these people support you. You’re not going to say, “I became who I am today by myself,” no. Instead: I am because we are. We need each other to survive, and we say “thank you” for giving me your shoulders to lean on.

Ubuntu’s mantra is, “I am because we are, and we are because I am interconnectedness.” It doesn’t matter whether you are American, whether you are Asian, whether you are African. Irrespective of where you are from, there is this essence of humanity that we all go to or come from, that we draw from before you became African, Native, American, Asian. You are human first.

Ubuntu pushes us to move beyond saying “I can’t help this one” because this one is different from me. Moving beyond asks you first to see the human in me. And to listen to the thing inside of you crying out to support this person. This is what Ubuntu points to. Ubuntu tells you to raise support for another person within your neighborhood, your immediate environment. We need each other to survive and flourish. And if I’m not in a position to help myself, it will be hard to help others. So the first thing is, I need to be well, to have the energy, to have the strength, to have the grace to stretch my hand to another person. If I am so weak, down and out, it will be hard for me to reach out. Thinking of your own flourishing helps you support another person. You don’t own another person’s problem. You only support them to also become.

How does Ubuntu help guide people to see our interconnectedness?
When you meet somebody, remember that however they react to you, it’s not because they don’t like your face. They have their demons they are fighting. You start building Ubuntu by connecting with the person beside you.

 Irrespective of where you are from, there is this essence of humanity that we all go to or come from, that we draw from before you became African, Native, American, Asian. You are human first.

When I’m teaching or doing a Humanities Washington talk, I pose some questions as conversation starters. Whatever story you hear from the other person, it’s a way of opening up to the person. Just starting a conversation with that one person you meet can make a difference. It nourishes a cultural intelligence that unites through shared humanity.

We need to connect. We are interconnected people, we are social beings. Living in isolation is demoralizing and depressing. It puts us in a space where we don’t get help because either we are too ashamed to ask for help or we think we’re supposed to have everything put together. But no, we all don’t have everything put together. Ubuntu allows you to be reached, and allows you to reach other people.

What’s something you enjoy about talking about Ubuntu with audiences?

I have been in situations where people do not welcome others until they are introduced as professor of XYZ. But when I do Humanities Washington talks, I like to be introduced as me. I am just Itohan Idumwonyi. I like to be treated as human, not because of whatever I have added. Let us shed all the labels that put us into separate compartments. Compartmentalization breeds division. Ubuntu is telling us, hey, look away from all this division. When we do this, we will speak to our authenticity, and our authenticity will foster human flourishing.

I’ve been in talks where people tear up. I’m not sure if it’s me, if it’s the Ubuntu conversation, I honestly don’t know. But it gives me a sense that the talk is having an impact. You’re getting handshakes, you’re getting hugs, you’re getting thanks for creating conversations that impact people– conversations that help us better interact in loving and accepting ways. Let your hand be the bridge that supports human flourishing–UBUNTU!

Michelle Liu is a professor of English and the associate director of writing programs at the University of Washington. She is a former member of Humanities Washington’s Speakers Bureau.